I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
