I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
