I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
