take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
