Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Your dad touched me again.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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