wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
