Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
