I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
