Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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