btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
