I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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