I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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