I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
