I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
