Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
