Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
