Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
