So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You ruined the universe
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
