u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
