Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
