im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
