the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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