hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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