All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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