i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
