So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
