I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
