The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
