This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
