one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
