For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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