She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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