Michael Bay diarrhea
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
