I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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