after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
