I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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