i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
