We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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