can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
