i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
