please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
