I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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