What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
