There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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