I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
