Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
