So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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