I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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