please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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