I think my vagina is haunted
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
