i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
