hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
